To Confess or not to Confess

(Edited the Nov 22 post for publishing)
So you've decided to tell your best guy friend that your feelings for him have surpassed friendship. Have you really thought it out?

A good movie always has a certain degree of mush. Salma Hayek and Colin Farell ignored society when they fell in love in Ask the Dust. But behind the scenes, all Hayek can say about Farell is that "...We worked really well together because we are both very creative, but we really trusted each other and we were very respectful of each other." I doubt they even talk anymore. Pornography is a thriving industry despite rape and sexually-transmitted diseases. People speak of kisses and hugs with rosy undertones, forgetting that stolen kisses may also be shared by rapists and their victims.

Advertisers try making associations between love and their product. Consumers buy these products, not out of necessity for the product, but because they subconsciously think that with the imitation of the ad through the closest way possible (having the product), the love will follow.

Why is love blown up to such heights? Because it's so hard to find. And it's never absolute even when you find it.

It could just be attraction, infatuation, or even obsession. you could "love" someone because you find something in the person that represents something you want for yourself; or something that reminds you of yourself. It could be anything BUT love. The funny thing about the world is that it says people under 18 aren't capable of love. This same world set Romeo and Juliet as the standard for true love. Juliet was 13 years old. It also says that people are in love only when they are in a relationship. Other than that, you're just infatuated.

Love is a personal road. Even if the person loves you back, it's still personal. You may love the person more, or the person may love you more. It depends on the person's capability to love. There are people who can die for the people they love. And there are people who measure love's gravity by the amount of homework you do for your special someone.

There are risks to everything. You must be sure of your intentions first and foremost. If you expect to remain friends, you better think twice. Receiving love from a friend is different from receiving love from someone who means it differently. It becomes a hideous thing because you think you are obliged to reciprocate even when you really aren't.

You have two options that branch out to other possibilities: It's either you tell him or you keep it to yourself. Seemingly simple. But it's the possibilities that make the decision harder. If you tell him, you could risk his rejection or get an instant boyfriend, which leads to other possibilities or questions like; do you even want a complication in the form of a boyfriend? If either of the two doesn't happen, you could share a lukewarm friendship since the person feels pity for you or become better friends if you're both mature enough.

If you choose to keep it to yourself, you could love him in secret and be very frustrated... or/and eventually get tired of the masquerade.

The decision is up to you. I wish you success. If you aren't, I wish the experience proves to be an educational one. I do hope you're not going to do anything stupid just because I did.

The Drunk

Rose Petal Ice Cream and Boracay. Very similar to Strawberry and Mocha Ice Cream. I remember reading once that the Rose plant and Strawberry plant belong to the same family. I dunno how true this is though since my memory is very unreliable. Boracay on the other hand is a drink that has a little choco, a little gin, a little coffee, and a lot of milk. The difference between Mocha Ice Cream and Boracay is that Boracay leaves you warm and tingly.

When you're drunk (or at least half-drunk) nothing else registers in your mind except for your most current thought. Along with this thought is a list of references to past experiences and recollection/readings directly or indirectly connected to the thought. But like an Mp3 player on intro play mode, these thoughts whiz by so fast that you barely have time to finish a trail of thought to form a coherent sentence. Hence the incoherence of drunks.

Last night I drank as much as I could. My limits were the boarding house curfew and my host's budget. Last night, I learned why people resort to drinking.

People try quelling their emotions and they are so conscious of the quelling that it has become uncomfortable to release emotions. The only way to feel unguilty about such emotions is to drink on it and not think about it. This si also possible with self-hypnosis (though I think the drunk are in some ways, in a state of hypnosis) Then the emotions will flow free with the drunken singing of "My Way". It is a cult. A cult of people who have realized they do not have the right to feel. Feelings are only for the stars of the show that is Life. Unfortunately, we're all just extras. The stars of the show only drink to get drunk enough to do each other and panic about it the morning after. So I say, to all beer drinkers:

Pour this ale
Onto my thirsty heart
Let it sate
The thirst for love

Let is sate
The thirst
That can never
be quelled

let it sate
my thirst for love

For Pring

May your grace transcend your mortality
And may you dance among the stars
Though death challenged your frailty
You shall forever be in our hearts

In life you served as a reminder
That life in itself is a celebration
In death may you never waiver
May you remind us of your passion

For April Mae "Pring" Sumaylo, who died yesterday, in a car accident. She will be remembered as a graceful dancer (she inspired me to take ballroom lessons), as one who took things in stride, as one who, like her character, Dawn, made light to seemingly hopeless situations, as a cheerful classmate and helpful friend. She shall be missed.