Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Ang alamat ni Maria de Cacao

There is a Maria story in almost every Region in the Philippines. Almost everywhere,the legend is that she's a beautiful stately lady with fair skin and long long locks who speaks in Spanish. She lives alone on a mountain and lends people her cutlery, gowns, golden combs, etc etc. She's harvests cacao ang delivers them on her Spanish galleon to different parts of the Philippines. She is known to live in waterfalls and other places.

The reality is (in my mind) that she is actually the Queen of a Chocolate Conglomerate, is terribly terribly obsessed with the aesthetic and wants to live in a world full of finery and luxury (wc is why she lends gowns and cutlery to the natives of the lands she abuses of their free resources, she hopes she gets invited to fine dinners and parties just like back in sweet home mother Spain). She has found out the secret to longevity and to evarlasting byuuuteee: Not too much sun and hours and hours of sleep (which is why she's seldom seen), and a top secret chemical that comes from the skin of cacao (I just came up with that on the fly). She parks her galleon in the crests of Waterfall formations and actually uses super advanced technology (she stole from Lemurian civilization) to make her galleon invisible AND flexible (to fit arrow rivers), not to mention uber powerful (which explains why it goes upstream to the waterfalls). She's also a PETA sponsor (she has her own Natural sanctuary in Makiling), and she a little too vain for her own good (she sets up "apparitions" in different parts of the world and basks in worship)

Idol nako si Maria.

~~~

Gais. I have no idea how all of you got here, or why you're even taking a speculative fiction post seriously. If you're all here for homework, go to a library for facts (and correct grammar and correct spelling). You won't get that from some ditzy girl's blog. I repeat: this is in no way an academic post, and you cannot expect me to make you copypasta for filipino fables class or whatever. (edit: feb 27 2012)

Also, thanks for the lulz.

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

lame, lame, lame, lame....and also, very lame....

Anonymous said...

..blah blah..very different from the story we knew

Anonymous said...

Seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehs!,, so tired of reading none-sense stories like that\! i want the truth there are many of them talking bout it but ! ARGGGGGGGGH! >_____<
.

Anonymous said...

lame-a ahhhhh

Anonymous said...

lame + wrong grammar +wrong spelling= wrong story. :)

Anonymous said...

You have serious grammar issues going on. Fix that first.

makiekoy said...

bulok !! hahaist ewan!

Anonymous said...

Is this a joke? Better stop creating stupid untrue stories.

Anonymous said...

UBER

Anonymous said...

UBER

Anonymous said...

Epic fail article. Uber advance technology u say? Bitch please.

Anonymous said...

the fuck did i just read ?

Anonymous said...

senseless!...pesti nga grammar! giatay nga spelling!

Shygirl said...

Wlang kwenta.... grammaticall wrong nah, wrong spelling pa. Where on earth did all your senses go?

Anonymous said...

hahahah lol fix the spelling please

mutangpusa said...

I love you anons of the world. You say the darnedest things.

Anonymous said...

unlike! If you want to make your own story do fiction writing. Don't stain her name.

Unknown said...

wlll...., that's okay at-least we learned something about that maria cacao story. i know that all story are not the same idea and thoughts