It

...isn’t perfect, but it’s gone past the point where words sound hollow and unimportant. Words give it different shades of meaning, and there are just some things words are not for. This is one of them. If I were to show you what I mean, I’d give you a painting, and you still wouldn’t understand.

I’d give you the Inverness, with its valleys of purple and its mists of gluttonous incense.

But that is just one painting. There are so many others. The Inverness is too depressing. But I have used the Inverness as an example because it is impossible. It is an idea of a painting and not one in actuality. That is what I mean when I will give you a painting.

So we go back to words. I would give you a word to describe it, but it has been misused too much that its meaning has become vague. SO I will refrain from misleading you by giving you the word. The usage of the word in this narrative might cloud your judgment about this monologue anyway.

I said it was impossible, I said it was ideal, and I also said it was not perfect. This is because in my opinion, all that is considered perfect becomes tainted eventually.

It is something that has caused me to dwell into myself and study It, trying to decipher its nuances. I’d discovered it causes me to think differently, to consider other options, to wonder about going out of my way. It causes me to break away from my laziness. Otherwise I’d just be sitting here.

It has drifted beyond the surface of my being, that if you looked at me, you would no longer notice its presence. It has grown deep within me, like a root that ruins the rock yet beatifies it with meaning.

It is idle for most of the time, a welcome poison in my veins, but at certain circumstances, it leaps and takes hold of me, and I no longer own my body. That is the part of it that the world chuckles and nods to, but otherwise it is more than that.

And at times I tire of it, just like I tire of almost everything I have grown accustomed to. But it wrestles with me and mocks me, and shows me who is boss. And every time, I succumb and agree that I am master, and I let it happen to me.