Nahawa ako sa depression mo te.
I'm particularly paranoid about being where I'm not wanted. As soon as I start feeling unwanted, I run away. Trauma taught me that.
Now that I'm having problems shooing a particularly pesky creature away, the situation rebounds on me that I often wonder: Do people see me the way I see her? Do people carefully listen to me and talk to me, itching til I'm out of earshot, to mock me and laugh at me afterwards?
We dodge her, we make elaborate plans to escape her, we gripe about her, we laugh about her, and she's totally oblivious to the neon signs we hang around her that SHE IS NOT WELCOME. I tried applying this to the self. There may be subtle clues that I be missing. Latch on the paranoia. Oh hello little clue, I didn't see you there.
I don't want to be a clueless dolt who thinks she's okay with people but is actually the butt of jokes when she's not around. I don't want to turn into another pitiful house elf.
I'm not saying that I'm guilty for what I'm doing because it's possible that I'm having a taste of my own medicine. I'm bitching. I don't like her. She don't get it. But who am I to try to feed her subliminal messaging if I myself don't get the messages thrown at me?
No comments:
Post a Comment